Epi Sode 3: The Attack of Randomness
by iamchole5
Summary: The Title is not a typo. Episode 3 filled with random stuff i randomly came up with.


I saw Star Wars Episode III a couple weeks ago (the day after it came out), and it rocked! I now have a new appreciation for Obi Wan Kenobi. It was so sad. : ( But anyway, this is a random fic, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, just a random one-shot. SPOILER ALERT, if you haven't see Episode. 3 don't read this!

"Meditate on Chewy's head, I will," little Yoda said to himself, in the Jedi Temple after Windu had been killed and no one took any notice.

He did the Yoda-flippy thing and landed on Chewy's kneecap. What he didn't know was Chewy had a rare dandruff condition that made his knee have spasms and his head fly off occasionally. So Yoda went soaring across the room and splatted onto the farthest wall.

Hours later he woke up in a drunken daze wondering where the luau girls had went. Just then he noticed a rather frog-like wrinkly looking thing staring at him. The very creepy old man was busy trying to figure out if Yoda was human or not. He then realized that he was small and old and green and several hundred years old, and came to the disturbing conclusion that he was Dumbeldore's twin sister.

"Do you know of Darth Vader?" asked the creepy old Sith.

"Who the f is Darth Vader?" Yoda rubbed his head to relieve the hangover-y feeling in his stomach.

"You know, Darth Vader, the dude you're supposed to be afraid of, the guy that used to be a jedi who looks like Frankenstein that got stuck in a goth's closet."

"Ring a bell, it does not."

Creepy old man threw Yoda against a wall. "Take that then, you freakish green midget."

"A bastard, you are."

They duke it out, but no one cares so the scene changes to Anakin trying to blow stuff up.

"Die Volcano! Why (heavy angry breathing) won't (heavy angry breathing) you (heavy angry breathing) die!" Anakin yelled at the toy volcano he wanted to use for a base in his empire.

"Must kill things..." An2iken's eyes got really wide and looked very anime-ish, "otherwise He will be angry, I work for Him."

"I'm right here! You work for Me! Stop talking like I'm not here!" an invisible voice said from a nearby body.

"AHHHH! I'm going insane!"

"Ya think?" (Padme had just showed up.)

"PADME! Look! I got you a prezzie!" Anakin handed her a dead, mutilated bird, much like a dog would.

"Er... thanks," Padme looked between him and the volcano. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Making the volcano explode for you!" Anakin bounced up and down.

"But I don't want the volcano to explode!" Padme screamed, but Anakin just went on making things explode.

"Hehehe. Muhahaahaha!" Anakin made spaztic puppeteer motions over the plastic volcano, the air suddenly stared to smell bad because the volcano was plastic, and burning plastic does not smell good. Do not try at home!

"Ani stop this please! You're hurting people!" Padme shouted at her insane husband.

"You're having an affair with Obi Wan aren't you? You slot!"

"What! No! Of course not, you idiot! Obi Wan is like (counts on fingers) 10 years older than me!"

"HA! You're 10 years older than ME, you are sleeping with him! Ahh! You little bitch!" Anakin continues to flip out.

"I'm not having an affair with Obi Wan! I love you Ani!" Padme said, still attempting to bring her husband back to the world of sanity.

Obi Wan jumps off the spaceship. "What so now you're too good for me?"

"What!"

"I knew it! Stop hitting on my wife!"

They begin to battle, Padme attempts to stop them but somehow fails, so she just does the weird cartoon thing and pulls out a random lawn chair and a bag of popcorn and started to watch them.

Anakin and Obi Wan started swearing at each other and then started... singing. In fact singing Barney songs, you know, the old classics- "Let the children play in broken glass" "It's ok to be on drugs if your purple" and "I will make you all my slaves... MAHAHAHA!"

Eventually the lava exploded and made AWESOME effects. A bird had come, conveniently, at the last moment and flew them both to safety. Aren't plot devices fun?

Anyway, while clutched in the bird's tongs, they continued to fight. Anakin chopped off the leg of the bird, Obi Wan dropped onto a random planet below, and was followed by a giant bird leg, then he used his Jedi Reflects ཥ and rolled out of its way. Unfortunately, he rolled a bit too far and straight into a dirt mound, which lead to a sand dune, which lead to a lake which had a drain at the bottom, and that drain lead to the field where cabbage catch kids are grown. It was... disturbing.

What Anakin forgot when he chopped off the bird's leg was that this was a one-legged bird (the other had been shot off in some forgotten war between the birds and the bees) and he had just destroyed his only hope for escape. Instead of landing on a planet like Obi Wan, Anakin just fell into space. There he began to hallucinate. He saw the Emperor, he was in a bathrobe for some reason.

"Anakin, join me. You will be able to do stuff. Lots of stuff. I'll even let you smoke in the "Evil's Lounge." Obi Wan never let you do that, did he?" the Emperor hallucination said.

"No, he didn't. That bastard!" Anakin shook his fist at the space he was currently hurdling through.

"Become Darth Vader and I'll give you all the drugs you could possibly want."

"YAY!" Anakin begins to dance. This continues for several hours. The Emperor hallucination gets agitated. (No, I didn't know hallucination's could get agitated either.)

So, as the story goes, everyone dies and the story ends. (Author gets beaten over the head by George Lucas fans.) "Ok, ok it doesn't. Sheez."


End file.
